All my recent angst is self-inflicted (for certain values of “self”*), and it has nothing to do with my birthday. I’m seriously starting to consider changing the birthday tag.
I’m backdating this post, as I tend to do, because 2 days after I came home from Seattle, my back decided I’d been mistreating it with all the walking and the carrying an unbalanced bag and lifting a heavy carry-on over my head to get it in the overhead bin on the plane—yes, I am that short—aaand I guess I threw my back out? About a week later, I don’t need painkillers to get through the day anymore and I can sleep in bed again instead of on the couch (moving in my sleep meant I’d wake up wanting to scream). Is this what getting old is? I hate it. A lot. Moving on.
This is the second year in our little house and we’ve agreed that we’ll be moving, most likely to Washington, as soon as we have enough money saved up to cover first and last month’s rent, security deposit, moving costs, travel costs, etc.
I went to Japan last year. I went to Seattle. I’ve been passing my classes.** I threw enough money at my credit cards that they’re mostly paid down. I cut off most of my hair again.*** I’m a semi-successful ghostwriter with a regular client, and when I look for more work, I can usually find it.
The best music I found last year was She Wants Revenge (80s-style goth from the 00s), it’s super catchy and sexy and gothy—all good things! New albums, either out last year or I found them last year, from Faderhead (Night Physics), A Perfect Circle (Eat the Elephant), Gary Numan (Savage), Mesh (Looking Skyward), Julien-K (Time Capsule), Grendel (Age of the Disposable Body) and God Module (Does This Stuff Freak You Out?****).
To do this year:
- Make a real plan with s/o for moving out of this town.
- Pass all my classes.
- Pursue viable alternative income streams.
- Use the accounts I have on various freelancing boards.
- Make a text adventure app.
porn“erotica” ebooks and publish online.
- Moar tattoos.
- I want jellyfish. Lots and lots of jellyfish.
- Play Bloodborne all the way through.
- (Maybe also finish Dark Souls, since I seem to be feeling masochistic.)
- There is no secret to writing, except to write. That is the only way the writing will get done.
*Does the goblin shark that lives deep in the spirals of my brain and keeps me up staring at the ceiling while it whispers seductive cruelties in the dark count as a “self”?
**Even though the idea of failing—and all the other dominoes that fall after that—baits THE FEAR in me, the only useful option I have is to keep moving forward as best as I can and to make the best choices I’m able to make at the time.
***Because I can never learn.
****It’s a remix album, I bought it mostly for the name but it’s better than I expected and there’s an excellent cover of “Round and Round.”