Category Archives: Not Writing

PSA: Daniel Graves is on Patreon

On the off chance that I have any followers with similar musical interests (also on the off chance that I have any followers), here’s a link to Daniel Graves’ Patreon page.

Daniel Graves is a musician whose main project is Aesthetic Perfection, which I know I’ve mentioned… pretty much any time I talk about what I’m listening to. He’s amazing, I love his work, he’s super-into squids, and I’m stupidly happy to be his 13th supporter* on Patreon.

If anyone else is into this, and can afford it, you’d be supporting a very talented human being who can do really good work if he has some time and energy to focus on making new music.

*At the $1/month “Vampire Squid” level. I wish I could pledge more, but I’m a broke, unemployed college student right now.


Marilyn Manson is the soundtrack to my life

When I was 14 years old, I saw Marilyn Manson’s music video for “The Long Hard Road Out Of Hell,” and I realized I was into girls.

When I was 15 years old, I moped a lot and listened to Mechanical Animals on repeat. (Mechanical Animals is when I really got into Marilyn Manson—with all the gender-bending, and future dystopian trappings, how could I not?) I would take that CD into school on days when I had computer lab, because the teacher let us have headphones as long as we got our assignments done.

When I was 16 years old, I found Holy Wood on a filesharing network before the release date under the album title Dogsled Racer (artist also listed as Dogsled Racer).

When I was 22 years old, I was working an awful call center job, and I met my best friend (online, obviously, I can’t talk to real people). The Golden Age Of Grotesque had come out two years before, and the Manson discography is one of the first things we bonded over, besides writing.

When I was 24 years old, I had moved across the country to live with my boyfriend at the time, and spent weeks/months/(years) chatting online with my best friend and listening to Eat Me, Drink Me on repeat.

When I was 28 years old, I had ended that relationship and moved back across the country to live closer to family, and spent weeks/months/(years) chatting online with my best friend, and listening to The High End Of Low on repeat (at least until Born Villain came out).

When I was 32 years old, I found The Pale Emperor months after it released (because no one told me!), and got brave enough to reach out and start a conversation with my best friend, who I hadn’t spoken to in years, because music is one thing we have enough of an overlap in preference on to make it a safe topic.

I am 34 years old, and I’m listening to Heaven Upside Down on repeat, and trying to learn Python, and deciding whether I’m brave enough to reach out and start a conversation with my best friend someone I haven’t spoken to in years again. (Spoiler: probably not.)

Some things don’t change.


The leaves are changing, there’s a chill in the air, and it’s time for rain until it snows. This is my favorite time of year. I am Goth Basic—a basic witch, if you will. Now I can start getting out my good clothes (sweaters! sweaters with skulls on! yes that’s plural!) and I can go shopping for “Halloween decorations” that are really just my normal decorations.

Eeeeee. ^_^

I am become snek(?)

This term I switched my major from accounting to computer science (I’m sure I’ve mentioned this, and I’ll stop mentioning it as soon as I get over it). The first class I’m taking in the computer science curriculum is called something like “Computer Science Role In Industry,” and by all accounts it was supposed to be an overview of … the role of computer science in industry, because obviously. Right.

3 weeks in, and it’s not that. It’s just learning Python. Which is cool, because I’m learning Python. But it’s also kind of what-the-fuck because words mean things—and that goes double for the names of college courses, since those things are kind of expensive, you know?

I could swear there’s a course later on that’s called something like … “Introduction To Python,” which I had assumed would be on the subject of How To Progrem With Snek, but maybe that’s the one that will explain the role of computer science in industry.

If I stopped expecting things to make sense, I think I’d have an easier time with life in general.

34: I think there’s a rule about this one

Let's be the quiet realization that our time has passed.

I want to do so many things, and it’s slowly occurring to me that I won’t have enough time. Lives are so short, especially when the minutes are squandered, or bled away from you so slowly you almost don’t notice.

It’s still so strange to me how quickly time passes. I was 28, like, last week. And now? Now I keep thinking I’m going to wake up 50 tomorrow.

Notice: My yearly birthday angst post is severely lacking in angst this year (yay?). Also I’m switching up the format, because bulleted-lists look stupid when they go on forever and ever.

We’re still in our little house, one block away from my previous living space. We have a car that I’m going to learn how to drive (it’s a manual), and I’ll have my license next spring (I know how to drive, I just never got a license). No cat, because the rental agreement says no pets, but we’ll get one someday when we’re in a more permanent living space.

Over the past year I fried my hair with too much bleach too many times, so I got a pixie cut. Growing out a pixie cut is already easier than growing out the underbits of an undercut,* and I’m pretty okay with it so far. At least it looks like it was on purpose, which is sort of the minimum for me to feel confident with any haircut. I’m planning to lay off the bleach a lot, do as little damage as possible, and try to grow it out to shoulder-length again,** since that always looked good on me. I’m also going to try to keep it ashy platinum, so we’ll see if any of that can happen at the same time (probably not but I’m looking forward to the challenge).

New music I found last year: Razed In Black (80’s-style goth from the 90’s), Scandroid (new retro waive/futuristic concept album from Klayton of Celldweller, also the remix album is good). Continuing to buy new albums from Aesthetic Perfection, Blue Stahli, Celldweller, Faderhead, and Marilyn Manson (shut up I don’t care I fell in love with the man when I was 14 and I still love him beyond all wisdom). I think all of them have new albums coming out this fall, which isn’t the best timing for my bank balance since they’re all together like that, but whatever, I’ll take what I can get.

Re: Online school, I sucked and failed and eventually clawed my way back up (sort of). I could make a lot of excuses for that, but since I’m mostly talking to myself here, I’ll skip it. (The Cliffs Notes version is I failed the first 3 courses I took, so I retook them but was limited to taking one at at time since I’d failed. By the time I’d finished retaking everything, my account was reviewed and based on my GPA I got kicked of financial aid. I’m paying for classes and books out of pocket for the next 2 terms, then I can apply for aid again as long as my GPA stays on track and I keep passing everything.) Also when I attended a webinar about career paths for accounting majors, I found out I didn’t actually need a degree to do the things I’d been planning on doing (bookkeeping, tax prep)—and apparently an associates in accounting is basically worthless, I’d need at least a bachelors to get anywhere.

My response? Fuck. That. I switched my program to IT starting this term (this term started 2 days ago). I’m now pursuing a bachelors in computer science with a software engineering focus. It will take longer, but I’m going to learn programming and one of the classes is about app development, and it’s already far more interesting than anything I learned in my (limited amount of) accounting classes.

Things to do this year:

  • Figure out where we’re going next, location-wise.
    • Travel to at least 1 place out of state, preferably a road trip.
  • Pass all courses I take in online school so I can get back on financial aid.
  • Find a consistent way to make money, even if it’s just a series of short-term jobs.
  • More tattoos (once I get more money).
  • Don’t fry all my hair off again and lose all progress. ;P
  • Write write write.

*Cutting the longer pieces but letting the short pieces grow is irritating when the “short pieces” are 3/4 of your hair and none of it blends with the upper layer at all.
**This has nothing very little to do with Atomic Blonde, which was very good.

June 24 – 30 | Seattle: the food post

First thing: I didn’t photograph everything we ate, despite the fact that I’m (technically) a millennial (but I’m an old millennial, which is another post). Sometimes I don’t want to be “that one” when we go out, especially considering the circumstances of this trip, and also because I have a cheap phone so it’s not like the picture quality is good or anything—and I definitely don’t want to be the one whipping out a full-sized camera to photograph everything in a definitely not posed at all way that’s just flawlessly composed and incidentally aesthetically pleasing somehow. (Okay, I do kind of want that, but it conflicts with the whole “aspiring shut-in” thing I have going on.)


Samurai Noodle

Samurai foods

Bamboo, nori, spicy rice, tofu | Gyoza | Shōyu ramen with pork, egg, fishcake, sprouts, green onion

Samurai Noodle is a tiny little ramen shop in the International District, with maybe 5 tables in the place. It survives because the food is amazing and because the kitchen also serves at the Uwajimaya food court.

Finding out that you can eat tofu chilled and sliced was kind of a revelation for me, even though that probably should have been obvious. S/o said the ramen at this place is the best they’ve had outside of Japan (and that recommendation comes from a not-Japanese person who grew up in Japan and spent enough of their life there to consider it home).


Banh Town: Vietnamese Street Food

Banh Town

Banh Town sign | Spring rolls | 5-spice chicken banh with slaw (not pictured: Vietnamese coffee)

I love Vietnamese food. I love Vietnamese coffee. This place was so good.

I’ve been trying to replicate the flavors without being true to the recipes at all, and the closest I’ve gotten is (this is weird) spicy Italian sausage sliced over an Asian salad kit with lots of cilantro in it. Note that I’m really fucking lazy about food on the day-to-day, and also pretty broke lately, so I stick to what’s fast and cheap—but no takeaway because that is a garbage situation to get into. However. If there was anything like this place near where I live, I would be even more broke because I love this shit and I wouldn’t even try to resist.


Ivar’s Fish Bar

Ivars Clams Aquarium

Sign | Clams & chips | Seattle aquarium banner

Ivar’s is this weird retroactive nostalgia food for me. I don’t remember going there as a kid, and I haven’t been there frequently, so I have no idea where the feeling comes from.

The first time I remember going was when I was in Seattle for the summer when I was 15, and I’ve gone every time I’ve been back since—secretly waiting for the day when one of those fat fucking seagulls (they feed on the greasy handouts of well-meaning tourists, with obvious consequences) mistakes a child’s fingers for french fries (BIRDEMIC 2: WATERFRONT BOOGALOO*).




Lavender lemonade | Salad, salmon, shrimp | Arabella (not food)

The best meal I had might have been the night I stayed over with my dad (but I admit my bias). I took a box of mochi because mochi is good, and we had dinner and lavender lemonade and went on a walk around the neighborhood. And I got to spend some quality time with his cat, trying not to get bitten (she is a bitey demoness).


I love you, Seattle. See you again someday soon. <3

*Someone with connections please pitch that to The Asylum for me, and let them know I can have the script written within 24 hours. ;P

June 24 – 30 | Seattle*

This trip was planned super last-minute, we booked tickets less than 2 weeks before leaving, and I kind of forgot to tell anyone I was going except for my dad.**

We took Amtrak, and the thing no one ever mentions in Amtrak reviews is that their seats are awful: they have the idea of a cushion on there somewhere, but it’s nowhere near as good as it needs to be for a 12 or 14 hour trip. We got the cheap seats, nothing fancy, so maybe that was the problem, but it would have been a lot worse if I hadn’t been sleeping most of the time. But. Sleeping on a moving train for 10 hours seriously wrecked up my back and neck, so it’s a lesser-of-2-evils kind of situation there.

Downtown Cafe Dragon

Downtown | Zeitgeist Cafe | Dragon in the International District

After getting to the King Street station, we went to Zeitgeist Cafe and got some necessary coffee, then we went to s/o’s sister’s house where we were staying.

The reason for the trip was a sort of get together for s/o’s family. I got to meet everyone, and spend most of the week with a lot more people than I’m normally comfortable around, but everyone was so kind and genuine—and they all hug like boa constrictors. ;D I don’t know why I was okay the whole time, but whatever it was, I need to find out how to replicate that not-fucked-up mental state for future crowded situations.

Bellevue x3

Intersection of Bellevue St, Bellevue Pl and Bellevue Ave E

I also got to spend some time with my dad, which I don’t do enough of. I took my current favorite movie of all time (The Last Days on Mars), and we watched that and had a nice chill evening, featuring delicious food my dad made.

S/o and I had a lot of time on our own to walk around the city. We went to the International District and got Asian snacks (Pocky and mochi for me: give me all the mochi please).

The last thing we did before leaving, and the only thing that had been planned in advance, was a walk from my dad’s place down to the waterfront for some delicious greasy salty goodness from Ivar’s**** and a trip to the Seattle Aquarium.***** We were going to take a bus down, but decided to cross the bridge to where it would be easier to catch a bus going the right way, then we realized we were already halfway to the waterfront anyway so might as well walk the rest of the way.

Ivars Clams Aquarium

Ivar’s Fish Bar | Clams and chips | Seattle Aquarium Banner

My favorite parts of the aquarium are the deep water/coral parts (obviously). The undersea dome is cool, but I can take or leave it. Same with the otters and seals and almost everything else. We spent an absolutely embarrassing amount of time crouched on our knees at the dwarf cuttlefish tank (it’s a tank near the floor, probably for children). I also love the acrylic ring full of moon jellies, and probably took about 70 pictures of them (oops).

Blue Jellies Cuttlefish White Jellies

Moon Jellies | Dwarf Cuttlefish | Some Kind of White Jellies

The train back was another overnight train, and the seats were as terrible as before (why, Amtrak? Seriously fucking why?), but the view of the Cascades before the sun went down was almost enough to make up for it. Almost.******

*Apologies for the photo quality in this post (and all my posts?). I didn’t think to take a camera (because quickly-planned), and my phone is cheap garbage because I don’t care about owning an expensive phone.
**He lives in Seattle, so he got a heads up a couple days in advance.***
***I wish I was as spontaneous as this makes me sound.
****OhmygodIvar’s *drool*
*****I realize there’s a joke in there somewhere about going to an aquarium with a belly full of fish, but I’m too lazy to go looking for it, and nothing clever is immediately obvious to me.
******To clarify: I don’t hate Amtrak. I can almost guarantee I’ll take Amtrak again in the near future, I’m just really disappointed with their seats and it’s something worth knowing about/planning for in advance.