34: I think there’s a rule about this one

Let's be the quiet realization that our time has passed.

I want to do so many things, and it’s slowly occurring to me that I won’t have enough time. Lives are so short, especially when the minutes are squandered, or bled away from you so slowly you almost don’t notice.

It’s still so strange to me how quickly time passes. I was 28, like, last week. And now? Now I keep thinking I’m going to wake up 50 tomorrow.

Notice: My yearly birthday angst post is severely lacking in angst this year (yay?). Also I’m switching up the format, because bulleted-lists look stupid when they go on forever and ever.

We’re still in our little house, one block away from my previous living space. We have a car that I’m going to learn how to drive (it’s a manual), and I’ll have my license next spring (I know how to drive, I just never got a license). No cat, because the rental agreement says no pets, but we’ll get one someday when we’re in a more permanent living space.

Over the past year I fried my hair with too much bleach too many times, so I got a pixie cut. Growing out a pixie cut is already easier than growing out the underbits of an undercut,* and I’m pretty okay with it so far. At least it looks like it was on purpose, which is sort of the minimum for me to feel confident with any haircut. I’m planning to lay off the bleach a lot, do as little damage as possible, and try to grow it out to shoulder-length again,** since that always looked good on me. I’m also going to try to keep it ashy platinum, so we’ll see if any of that can happen at the same time (probably not but I’m looking forward to the challenge).

New music I found last year: Razed In Black (80’s-style goth from the 90’s), Scandroid (new retro waive/futuristic concept album from Klayton of Celldweller, also the remix album is good). Continuing to buy new albums from Aesthetic Perfection, Blue Stahli, Celldweller, Faderhead, and Marilyn Manson (shut up I don’t care I fell in love with the man when I was 14 and I still love him beyond all wisdom). I think all of them have new albums coming out this fall, which isn’t the best timing for my bank balance since they’re all together like that, but whatever, I’ll take what I can get.

Re: Online school, I sucked and failed and eventually clawed my way back up (sort of). I could make a lot of excuses for that, but since I’m mostly talking to myself here, I’ll skip it. (The Cliffs Notes version is I failed the first 3 courses I took, so I retook them but was limited to taking one at at time since I’d failed. By the time I’d finished retaking everything, my account was reviewed and based on my GPA I got kicked off of financial aid. I’m paying for classes and books out of pocket for the next 2 terms, then I can apply for aid again as long as my GPA stays on track and I keep passing everything.) Also when I attended a webinar about career paths for accounting majors, I found out I didn’t actually need a degree to do the things I’d been planning on doing (bookkeeping, tax prep)—and apparently an associates in accounting is basically worthless, I’d need at least a bachelors to get anywhere.

My response? Fuck. That. I switched my program to IT starting this term (this term started 2 days ago). I’m now pursuing a bachelors in computer science with a software engineering focus. It will take longer, but I’m going to learn programming and one of the classes is about app development, and it’s already far more interesting than anything I learned in my (limited amount of) accounting classes.

Things to do this year:

  • Figure out where we’re going next, location-wise.
    • Travel to at least 1 place out of state, preferably a road trip.
  • Pass all courses I take in online school so I can get back on financial aid.
  • Find a consistent way to make money, even if it’s just a series of short-term jobs.
  • More tattoos (once I get more money).
  • Don’t fry all my hair off again and lose all progress. ;P
  • Write write write.

*Cutting the longer pieces but letting the short pieces grow is irritating when the “short pieces” are 3/4 of your hair and none of it blends with the upper layer at all.
**This has nothing very little to do with Atomic Blonde, which was very good.