Monthly Archives: September 2017

Best Laid Plans: September 2017 (In Retrospect)

Wordcount goal: 10,000
Total words written: 1729
Days writing: 2
Projects: Undertow

Excuses: Learning coding is hard. The class I’m taking that I thought would be an overview of the subject is instead a course on how to program in Python. I’m way behind (like normal). I’m starting to freak out about my lack of money, and trying to find a job to get more money, and struggling to do that because of choices I’ve made*, and I hate it. At least Xmas is coming up, which means I should be able to pick up a temporary seasonal thing, so that’s something at least.

*The place I worked at for the majority of my working life refuses to give employment references (fairly standard) and penalizes current employees who give employment references, “up to and including termination” (fucking insane). The other place I worked at for any significant amount of time is no longer in business (RIP Borders), plus that was 10 years ago and I didn’t bother to keep in touch with anyone anyway.



The leaves are changing, there’s a chill in the air, and it’s time for rain until it snows. This is my favorite time of year. I am Goth Basic—a basic witch, if you will. Now I can start getting out my good clothes (sweaters! sweaters with skulls on! yes that’s plural!) and I can go shopping for “Halloween decorations” that are really just my normal decorations.

Eeeeee. ^_^

I am become snek(?)

This term I switched my major from accounting to computer science (I’m sure I’ve mentioned this, and I’ll stop mentioning it as soon as I get over it). The first class I’m taking in the computer science curriculum is called something like “Computer Science Role In Industry,” and by all accounts it was supposed to be an overview of … the role of computer science in industry, because obviously. Right.

3 weeks in, and it’s not that. It’s just learning Python. Which is cool, because I’m learning Python. But it’s also kind of what-the-fuck because words mean things—and that goes double for the names of college courses, since those things are kind of expensive, you know?

I could swear there’s a course later on that’s called something like … “Introduction To Python,” which I had assumed would be on the subject of How To Progrem With Snek, but maybe that’s the one that will explain the role of computer science in industry.

If I stopped expecting things to make sense, I think I’d have an easier time with life in general.

34: I think there’s a rule about this one

Let's be the quiet realization that our time has passed.

I want to do so many things, and it’s slowly occurring to me that I won’t have enough time. Lives are so short, especially when the minutes are squandered, or bled away from you so slowly you almost don’t notice.

It’s still so strange to me how quickly time passes. I was 28, like, last week. And now? Now I keep thinking I’m going to wake up 50 tomorrow.

Notice: My yearly birthday angst post is severely lacking in angst this year (yay?). Also I’m switching up the format, because bulleted-lists look stupid when they go on forever and ever.

We’re still in our little house, one block away from my previous living space. We have a car that I’m going to learn how to drive (it’s a manual), and I’ll have my license next spring (I know how to drive, I just never got a license). No cat, because the rental agreement says no pets, but we’ll get one someday when we’re in a more permanent living space.

Over the past year I fried my hair with too much bleach too many times, so I got a pixie cut. Growing out a pixie cut is already easier than growing out the underbits of an undercut,* and I’m pretty okay with it so far. At least it looks like it was on purpose, which is sort of the minimum for me to feel confident with any haircut. I’m planning to lay off the bleach a lot, do as little damage as possible, and try to grow it out to shoulder-length again,** since that always looked good on me. I’m also going to try to keep it ashy platinum, so we’ll see if any of that can happen at the same time (probably not but I’m looking forward to the challenge).

New music I found last year: Razed In Black (80’s-style goth from the 90’s), Scandroid (new retro waive/futuristic concept album from Klayton of Celldweller, also the remix album is good). Continuing to buy new albums from Aesthetic Perfection, Blue Stahli, Celldweller, Faderhead, and Marilyn Manson (shut up I don’t care I fell in love with the man when I was 14 and I still love him beyond all wisdom). I think all of them have new albums coming out this fall, which isn’t the best timing for my bank balance since they’re all together like that, but whatever, I’ll take what I can get.

Re: Online school, I sucked and failed and eventually clawed my way back up (sort of). I could make a lot of excuses for that, but since I’m mostly talking to myself here, I’ll skip it. (The Cliffs Notes version is I failed the first 3 courses I took, so I retook them but was limited to taking one at at time since I’d failed. By the time I’d finished retaking everything, my account was reviewed and based on my GPA I got kicked off of financial aid. I’m paying for classes and books out of pocket for the next 2 terms, then I can apply for aid again as long as my GPA stays on track and I keep passing everything.) Also when I attended a webinar about career paths for accounting majors, I found out I didn’t actually need a degree to do the things I’d been planning on doing (bookkeeping, tax prep)—and apparently an associates in accounting is basically worthless, I’d need at least a bachelors to get anywhere.

My response? Fuck. That. I switched my program to IT starting this term (this term started 2 days ago). I’m now pursuing a bachelors in computer science with a software engineering focus. It will take longer, but I’m going to learn programming and one of the classes is about app development, and it’s already far more interesting than anything I learned in my (limited amount of) accounting classes.

Things to do this year:

  • Figure out where we’re going next, location-wise.
    • Travel to at least 1 place out of state, preferably a road trip.
  • Pass all courses I take in online school so I can get back on financial aid.
  • Find a consistent way to make money, even if it’s just a series of short-term jobs.
  • More tattoos (once I get more money).
  • Don’t fry all my hair off again and lose all progress. ;P
  • Write write write.

*Cutting the longer pieces but letting the short pieces grow is irritating when the “short pieces” are 3/4 of your hair and none of it blends with the upper layer at all.
**This has nothing very little to do with Atomic Blonde, which was very good.

Project Fail Better: day 3 check-in/end analysis

[This is being written two days after the fact and I’m backdating it to the correct date—that’s not a new thing: I do that with a lot of my posts.*]

Words written: 0
Time spent writing: 0
Project: (none)

Analysis: I write better in the nighttime, with headphones. It’s something I need to work on, since living the nocturnal life isn’t an option at this time/in this location.

Total words written over 3 2 days: 1759

Despite not even remembering what happened to throw me off on day 3, I think I can keep going with this. Overall, not a bad result. On some future date, I will do 3 Day Novel the right way and register and everything and try for real. I will do more of these Project: Fail Better things because they’re a good jump-start when it’s not November.

*Seekrit behind-the-scenes action, wow! ;P

Project Fail Better: day 2 check-in

Today was better, but only just. I would love if I could just pull the shut-in thing and for-really-real have nothing to do except write, but it’s probably better to learn how to Tetris the writing around my life insead of shutting everything else out (right?). I think not learning how to do that sooner is what’s been fucking me up so hard all this time.

Words written: 871
Time spent writing: 3 hours(?)
Project: Undertow

Playlist: Zeromancer, Julien-K

Analysis: I am still writing background/prologue information. At this point I’m resigned to it, as it seems as good a way into the story as any. Zeromancer is a band I attached to this story way back the first time I was trying to write it because I was listening to them so much, and it’s interesting how easy it is to get back into that mindset just by listening to the music I was listening to. Brains are so weird. I’m also thinking about a writer-friend who is somehow entangled with most of the trite, emotive music I used to listen to, so he’s coming into my head just as often as the story. Humans, amirite?

Distractions: YouTube, internet in general, today was Sunday lunch with family (it’s this thing I do most Sundays) and grocery shopping.

Tomorrow will be better.

Project Fail Better: day 1 check-in

Well, this is embarrassing. I’d say “This never happens to me, baby, I swear,” except that anyone reading here knows that’s the opposite of true.

Words written: 858
Time spent writing: 2 hours(?)
Project: Undertow (as planned)

Playlist: Depeche Mode, Zeromancer

Analysis: Did some outlining to ease myself in and wrote some background/prologue-type things, which I should have had sorted prior to the day, but whatever, that’s what happened.

Distractions: I made a static front page for this blog, and shuffled things around a bit. YouTube. Netflix. Also I started taking melatonin again last night, but stayed up for 3 hours after I took it until I was feeling sick, and woke up feeling sick, which is just unfair.

Tomorrow will be better.