Guess who’s still alive? (it’s me!)

General catch-up/life update under the cut. Consume or discard as you see fit/proceed at your own etc.

Other content will be up soon, within the next few days.

Blog update/general housekeeping notes | Header image has changed, background color has changed (based on header image). I’m still into the Oxford comma, because it makes people slow down while reading, and that’s obnoxious in a way I dig. I’m doing my titles in a modified sentence case going forward, because I just learned that was an option and I like it.

Online school | I suck at time management. The only time I can get anything done is when I have the white-hot fear of failure deep in my lizard brain, so obviously I’m trying to do everything at the last minute, which is working out about as well as can be expected (read: I got kicked off financial aid for the next 3 terms because of my GPA* and now I’m paying out of pocket because I can’t afford to make student loan payments, which I have to start doing as soon as I’m not in school anymore. Yeah…). I did this to myself. I know I did this to myself. It’s fine, I’ll get through it, I still don’t like it.

For the past week, I’ve been seriously thinking about changing my major from accounting to computer science (with a software-engineering focus) because I really don’t actually want an accounting career. I picked accounting like a coin-flip because it seemed safe, but a) it turns out all the accounting jobs I’m interested in (bookkeeping, payroll, tax prep, that sort of situation) do not typically require an accounting degree to get hired** and it was recommended that students getting an accounting degree should go get one of those jobs while in school to gain professional experience (wtffffff); b) even though people will need accountants as long as people have money, there’s a lot of articles coming out about how most accounting services can be automated and that automation will continue to improve as artificial intelligence improves (read: I’m fucked); c) I’m not interested in accounting. Like, not even a little bit. I am interested in computers, and learning to code,*** and doing something I can eventually freelance.

Life | I’m still unemployed, living off of (mostly) savings and (also) credit cards. Next week I plan to check job boards again and register with a staffing service that keeps running ads for data entry jobs. Anything that involves minimal customer service would just be amazing, but I’ll do customer service again if I have to.

If anyone remembers the last time I did one of these (2015) and mentioned the person I was seeing but I didn’t think it was going to last, the way that worked out is we’ve been dating for 2 years and moved into a house together in September of last year. I’m monogamous now, which is weird because I thought I didn’t want to do that again, but what I actually didn’t want was the constant mindfuckery and controlling bullshit I was subjected to in the last monogamous relationship I was in. Healthy relationships are completely different (shocking).

Anxiety/depression/insomnia/etc | Since leaving the toxic hellscape 1 year ago, I am more anxious about normal things like money (because I don’t have a lot) and school and finding a new job, but that bone-deep dread and sickness in the center of my gut has gone away (mostly). I’ve had fewer depressive episodes (I think only 2 that were longer than a week in the past year?). I am usually sleeping through the night, and going to sleep before dawn, and functioning like a regular human adult-thing on a regular human adult-thing daytime schedule (I still sleep in, and I still nap (because naps are fucking awesome) but I don’t have any reason not to, and I have no issue being up earlier if I have to be, so I think it’s fine). I go to movies with my s/o a lot, which used to be an impossible idea (because crowds! people! oh noes!), and I’m mostly fine with it. We went to Seattle last month and walked around a lot of the city (crowds! people! ohgod!) and met tons of s/o’s extended family, and I was mostly fine. I hate how many things I haven’t been able to do in my life that were apparently the result of an anxiety/depression that was exacerbated beyond my coping by a toxic relationship and a toxic workplace. I’m still fucked-up (I think I will always be fucked-up), but it’s so manageable now. I love it.

Writing | I haven’t been writing. I’m going to get back to writing.****


*Because of a weirdness in how I failed some classes, then made up the classes (with A’s btw) but was limited to 1 class at a time while I was retaking classes, then my progress and GPA were reviewed and I was put on academic probation after I’d already been successfully passing classes for 3 terms. I passed both classes during my academic probation term but passed one class 17 points short of the 73% I needed to keep my GPA up enough to get off of academic probation. Again: I’m aware I did this to myself.
**This is something I should have been aware of, sure, but all the job postings I saw around here wanted a degree, and none of the research I did (yes, I researched my possible majors like a motherfucking adult!) mentioned it.
***I know you don’t need a computer science degree to learn how to code, but getting an intro in a school environment, and then keeping up on my own outside of class seems like a good way to start. (Plus, I can avoid the mandatory student loan payments as long as I’m in school, which is an irresponsible incentive, but… there you go.)
****For real this time.*****
*****Except for really real.******