This Place Is Breaking Me

It’s not horribly uncommon* at my place of employment to be in the bathroom and hear someone crying in one of the stalls. Usually what you hear is sniffles and shuddering gasps (i.e., someone attempting to reload their facade of Corporate Composure™ (and failing)) but I have heard bawling turn into vomiting and various other signs of Something Being Profoundly Not Okay.

Today when I attempted to log in to my work PC, it claimed to not recognize my username/password. I had not recently changed the password and was reasonably confident I was entering it correctly. I tried 4 more times with the same “failed to recognize” response. The person training us for the new department had a look at what I was doing, didn’t see anything I was doing wrong and took me to a phone in another room to call tech support. First I couldn’t dial out on the phone to reach the number he’d given me so someone else took pity on me and dialed the help line. Then it turned out I was calling the wrong number,*** so I had to go back to the trainer and explain I had failed at this simple, simple task and he ended up dialing the right number for me (he had no problem dialing out, I’ve no idea what I was doing wrong). Tech support needed an ID number that I didn’t have and gave me instructions to find it. But. I would have to be able to log into a computer to look it up. Someone took pity on me (again) and looked up the ID number. I gave it to the tech support agent and he reset my password so I could log in. This whole process took something like 45 minutes.

I went back to the training room to (finally) log in/reset my password. As soon as I sat down at my computer, I was told everyone was doing group projects and I’d been assigned to a group, lock my computer as soon as I got it loaded and get to work. As I was  entering the temporary password that had been assigned, I realized why the system had not recognized me: the first line on the log in box is username, the second line is password and there is a third line that is a dropdown asking how we are logging in. This third line always says CORP but it was now inexplicably displaying NAMEOFCLIENT. I just wasted 45 minutes calling tech support because of something that takes 2 clicks to fix.

Fuck. Me.

Changed third line to correct designation. Reset password. Locked computer while system was loading. Walked out of the room. Went into the bathroom and cried for like 5 minutes out of sheer frustration/self-pity/powerlessness (if anyone’s curious (and if you are, what the fuck is wrong with you?), it was the silent kind of crying where tears just pour out but breathing is mostly unaffected). Then I went back to the training room, joined the group I’d been assigned to for the project and overcompensated**** so that even though it was painfully obvious something was very very wrong with me, no one would attempt to acknowledge it in any way.*****

If this is going to become a habit, I should probably invest in some eyedrops because I look like absolute shit after I’ve been crying.

*By that I mean something like once a week.**
**More if a group of newbies has just started taking calls.
***We have tech support for site systems and tech support for client systems. I had called the number for client systems support which can’t help me if I’m having problems with any of the site systems, e.g., logging in to the computer. (Confused? Yeah, me too.)
*****Want to watch me go from barely holding it together to complete sobbing breakdown in a matter of seconds? Ask if I’m okay and make deliberate eye contact as if you actually give a fuck for some reason.