I’ve figured out that in order to get any more than fuckall writing done, I need two things: 1) Deadlines—even if they’re arbitrary, 2) Constant pressure—even if it’s illusory.
This has been further proven by the neat little Google Doc I made to keep track of my daily word count sometime in September of last year. I set an arbitrary goal for myself of 1000 words per day (for a first draft pace, it is a completely reasonable goal) and I’ve failed consistently. I don’t write anything most days, and when I do it’s well under 1000 words.
I was thinking about that a few days ago and I came to the realization that I don’t have the discipline to be a real writer, so I texted ‘Roja to say that I was done. I don’t want it enough, that much is clear, so I’m not a real writer. I quit.
He said if that was the criteria, he wasn’t a real writer either. And I’m like “… the fuck?” O_o ’cause he’s the most amazing writer I know and I expect him to do brilliant things and if I was still under any delusions that the dynamic could work, I’d beg to be his protege because he’s good in a way that makes me want to learn to be better than I am.
Point being, I was done for about two days before I decided I should take another shot at writing my mermaid/hammer head shark/serial killer novel before I just give up like all those other sad fucks who were going to be writers “someday” before real life crushed their ambitions and destroyed their dreams.
So I will be mostly working on Undertow (but still working on Cannibal Anthems because that’s sort of like a love letter at this point) and also researching writing classes/workshops/etc to see if I can get out of this damn valley again and maybe also posting about tattoos and/or any other random things that seem worth noting.
Current Project: Undertow | total words written: 0 Edit [02.25.12]: My current mental space is closer to being able to write Bound: a story of Oblivion, so I’ma do that instead of Undertow. Maybe I will try to write Undertow for NaNo this year (yet again…). Current Project: Bound: a story of Oblivion | total words written: 0
Edit [04.03.12]: My current mental space is not conducive to goals. So… no more goals!1!! ^_^